What is your WAF level?

[Peter_Klim]

Not that we ever argued over it, but before I got married, I told my wife to be that she can do anything she wants to any room but one room. That would be the living room, where the stereo system would be.

I was just wondering what your WAF/HAF swith your significant other?

I understand that you are living with someone else and you need to share space and therefore you may need to compromise on decorating and placing things in your home.

But I don't understand it when I read on forums things like: "I NEED to ask my wife if i can buy X Y Z" or "She won't LET me buy this or that" OK, I can understand if she isn't pulling in a source of income but instead is being a stay at home wife who cooks and cleans and raises the kids and/or if you you can bearly make ends meet or you're in some kind of financial situation. But if both of you have a decent source of income and you know how to budget your money, I don't see the need to get "approval". You should be able to figure out a way to do a his/her/our split savings with your monies so that you each can do whatever you want with "his" (for you only) and a "hers" (for her only) share.

Anywho, you can vote, but pease ONLY vote if you are married But feel free to post a reply even if you're not.

 

[C.A.P]

This says it best !


Jeremiah Johnson: Y'ever get lonesome?
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Fer what?
Jeremiah Johnson: Woman?
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Full time night woman? I never could find no tracks on a woman's heart. I packed me a squaw for ten year, Pilgrim. Cheyenne, she were, and the meanest bitch that ever balled for beads. I lodge-poled her at Deadwood Creek, and traded her for a Hawken gun. But don't get me wrong; I loves the womens, I surely do. But I swear, a woman's breast is the hardest rock that the Almighty ever made on this earth, and I can find no sign on it.

 

[Rich]

Your post and your poll make it sound like marriage has to be a competition for resources or a complete split of resources, or that one partner or the other has to be the "ultimate arbiter." I would vote in your poll, but my response isn't listed. How about: "We are a team and make most major decisions on purchases and placement together. We compromise based on each others' needs and wants."

Ultimately, if I want it badly enough, she will allow it even if she doesn't think it is a prudent decision. I have my own media room, so placement really isn't an issue. But I am not going to go out and buy, say, a pair of CLX to replace my Summits without a lot of discussion and ultimately some buy-in from her. And that is alright, because I spend a whole lot more of our disposable income on my hobbies than she does. So I don't mind her reining me in occasionally if she thinks I am going overboard.

 

[MiTT]

That's pretty much exactly where Sandy and I are too Rich. If I'm going to drop serious coin (say anything over $1000.00), I've usually discussed it with her beforehand. I'm not the type to sneak something into the house without her knowing about it. That being said, she supports my hobby pretty well even though she doesn't "get it". She basically is glad that I've got a hobby I enjoy so much. The decor in my audio from is entirely left up to me as well.

 

[User211]

My wife and I have separate bank accounts and jobs. She trusts me an thinks I am good at managing money. She's know me for 24 years, 17 of these in wedlock.

Anything in the listening room is OK, and I generally tell her if I am buying something but it may well be after I have done it but before it has arrived. Anything major and she knows beforehand.

Outside the scope of the listening room is a different story, and getting some speakers in the lounge took some considerable convincing. She seems happy enough with the little M&D Sapphires in there, now powered by a vintage Luxman L-435 integrated rather than a Behringer A500. Fed on a diet of an Asus soundcard and Spotify or Sky+ HD TV more often than not. However, this hi-fi had to be housed in an acceptable A/V rack, and the speaker stands had to look pretty. Indeed they are glass tubes filled with volcanic rock of all things. It sparkles and is therefore OK!!!

 

[Hocky]

I have never understood the whole his money her money thing. All of my friends that do this inevitably are arguing about who is paying or this and that about money any time we are all out. Seems pretty counterintuitive to me.

 

[User211]

Well it is never a problem for us, Hocky. The bills we share always remain the same and are at fixed percentages relative to our incomes.

I really would NOT like shared accounts. That, to me, is just asking for serious trouble in a relationship. What if one of you goes on a bender????

 

[amey01]

Your post and your poll make it sound like marriage has to be a competition for resources or a complete split of resources,

That says it perfectly.

 

[Peter_Klim]

That says it perfectly.

My poll shouldn't be taken that way at all.

50% or so of all divorces is usually due to money - that's a fact. So marriage should not be a competiton, but sadly, it often ends up being that way.

From my observations, many couples often have a hard time sharing their money, but also many who are doing ok with it. My post is a suggestion for those that do have a hard time with it.

And i never said a "complete split". Complete split woul be mine and hers - period. I added a 3rd share that would be an "ours". Ours - this coud be for bills, house mortgage, food, medical, kids gifts and college tuition, family vacation and so on. I'm not going into specifics with how much each person should chip in, because it could be different for each couple (different incomes, no incomes...) and the example for what it would cover might be different for each person.

So that was my explanation of my post. Now for my poll, I'm sorry i couldn't think of every option or if I worded poorly. You can look at it as where i wrote "She has final say" more as in "As a couple we agree that". Which is hat I meant anyway.

This thread is really just to get a percentage idea of couple's WAF rates.

my Ex wife lied to me about all the debt she aquired years before we ever met. After we married and I found out about it, I helped her pay off tens of thousands of dollars. I paid for 90% of the wedding & honeymoon. Day 1 of our marriage, I had 14X the amount she did. Day of our divorce, she took half our total (a total that was 6X more than when we got married). During our marriage, she spent ALL her paychecks on who knows what, when I saved and paid all our bills (at least for the first 6 months of our marriage, when I found out about her lowsly credit)

Many happy couple are lucky to be married to a loving, unselfish and logical spouse so that they do not need to have seperate accounts. But for those that do, and 50% end up in divorce... well we all know what Eddy Murphy's Gooney Goo Whoo eX would say: "HALF!"

 

[Hocky]

Well it is never a problem for us, Hocky. The bills we share always remain the same and are at fixed percentages relative to our incomes.

I really would NOT like shared accounts. That, to me, is just asking for serious trouble in a relationship. What if one of you goes on a bender????

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean any disrespect. If that works well for you, good deal. It probably just doesn't work for my friends because they can't afford to live like they want to. lol

As far as the shared account issue, it is our money in my opinion. If one person blows it all overnight, it is our problem. If your wife spent her whole account and racked up big cc bills overnight you wouldn't walk away (I hope haha), so ultimately it is the same thing.

 

[stuwee]

I might be the odd man out here but, my partner is a man who enjoys music and older vintage stereo gear as much as I do. there is the odd arguement over "how many cassette decks do you need?" (my weakness). rebutted by "how many RtR's do you need?" (his).

Thank God we have a big house for the 6 systems we have set up and room for all the misc gear not in use at the time

 

[user 10615]

None of the 6 above I buy and put in what I want when my personal piggy bank allows, but when she saw the Ethos I was evicted from the main living room, ah well can't win em all.

 

[Bernard]

I once overheard a woman say, "I blew $3,500 in Vegas, including the rent. My ex left me there."

 

[Wildcat Rudy]

For me and any significant other post-divorce, my music system has been set up in a room and there's no negotiation. It's a major part of my life, so I won't accept anything less than a decent room to enjoy it in. At least my SO (we agreed we'll never get married ) likes having a musical retreat in the house. The family room (early 80s) is an add-on to the house (late 40s), so it is on a concrete slab--things sound so much better than on a suspended wood floor! We like it!

I was just sick of being relegated to the basement, mainly. Although if I had a nice, tall (8 ft. plus) walk-out basement with plenty of windows, and furniture and decor that is current and not 30 years old, I would have no complaints about that whatsoever. The day my ex moved out of my house across town 11 years ago, I moved my main system upstairs.

 

[slowGEEZR]

Rich stated it perfectly from my perspective.

 

[asindc]

I'm single so my response is not among the poll choices. When I was married, I called dibs on one room in the house. If I bought anything costing $1K or more I discussed it with her at my insistence, even though she never objected to any of my purchases. Same thing with my cycling hobby. The marriage didn't last, obviously, but my hobbies were never an issue because I never questioned her clothes fetish, either. Having the discussion and reaching an understanding upfront was the key.

 

[Light Craftsman]

My wife has final say on what I buy and where in the house we put it. She decides on sound and looks, and my insists we buy Martin Logan. We just ordered an ML sound bar and re planning to purchase a pair of Ethos in the near future. I keep making my wife listen to box speakers, explaining to her how they've easier to drive and less sensitive to room acoustics, but she likes how MLs sound and look. I'll just have to suffer through and hold off on my dream telescope for another couple of years.

 

[Jazzman53]

MY GF says I can move in with her but I can't bring my big electrostats with me... I'm still living at my house.