I’m not prying, but . . .

[IEnjoyOLED]

Mods, if this topic is outside of forum guidelines (I admit I didn’t research them), my apologies and I understand if you delete it.

I look at some of the systems here, and I have to admit that I’m envious. I’m curious how some of you “pull the trigger” on deciding on these purchases.

I’m not intending this as sexist, but if the MLO members match most audio/video site demographics, most of you are male. I am also, but decided more than two decades ago to become a SAHD (Stay At Home Dad) and give up my career as a Software Developer. My wife’s career took off at that time, what with her not worrying about whether the kids were being well looked after, whether she could take a business trip, and with my “having her back.” I do think of it as “our” money, but if I’m being honest, I think of it as a bit more “her” money than “mine.”

We can really afford most things in the AV realm, and my wife appreciates good sound and video, but I find myself going a notch or two lower than what I’d really like to get. For example, I really enjoy my ESL X with a 800X subwoofer driven by an Anthem STR in our family room, but would probably enjoy an ESL 15a or 13a even more (I’d probably keep the sub and integrated amp; I quite like them).

So, I’m curious how you decided that your purchases were “okay.” Are you single? If not, does your spouse appreciate the AV systems? If your spouse is “meh” about AV, does she have a similarly expensive interest? Do you discuss the costs? Before or after a purchase? Are you honest about the costs?

 

[twich54]

I've been married 45 plus years, audio/music preceded my wife, I've always lived within my means so it's never been an issue.

My secret to a long marriage.......... separate bathrooms and checking accounts

 

[JLasher22443]

My wife and I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage on the 25th. We are D.I.N.K.'s and my wife is the bread winner in our house. And like Dave we have separate accounts and split the joint stuff right down the middle; the house, cars, and utilities. Our rule is if it is over $1000 it has to be discussed before the purchase. Anything under that it's my money to spend and she could care less. She is also frugal as hell and never buys herself anything. If she had her way, she would save all of our money. LOL

 

[Brad225]

47 Years with my wife. As with Dave, my hobby was pre-existing.

Our finances have always been with one set of accounts. I'm married to a CPA and haven't had to reconcile an account the entire time. We discuss purchases and go from there.
She may have asked I wait a couple of weeks until funds came from a specific transaction but that is all.
Though she has no interest in my hobby she realizes how much enjoyment i get from my listening time.

 

[Len44]

Fortunately, my wife and I see eye-to-eye on most everything. We have confidence and trust in each other's judgments and decisions. I already had a pretty decent A/V system (Summits) prior to our marriage about five years ago, but got the itch to upgrade, well, pretty much everything (this sometimes happens to folks here on the forum). Some items were selected piecemeal, over time, but always well researched and with an eye to how each new piece would fit with future upgrades.

We talked about all this for a time, since some $$$$ were involved. While my wife has always enjoyed music, she did not consider herself as one to sit down in one place and listen to music, but rather would listen as she was doing other things. Well, we did the upgrade, and I then asked her to sit down and listen to some of her favorite music on our new system, everything changed. We both very much enjoyed our listening session (couple of hours, initially, her selections and mine), and she now enthusiastically looks forward to our time spent listening, usually together. She can readily hear the SQ, detail, clarity, the sense of "being there", etc. We are both VERY happy with the upgraded system.

Recommendation is to consider going a bit above what one might first consider. Most of all, listen, but recognize sound in one room will sound different in another room. And find an Outstanding dealer with which to work, and consider different ideas. And, ahead of time, do lots of research on your own (I did this for about two years). I also figured out were each item would be placed in the room, system synergy, and so many other considerations.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[IEnjoyOLED]

Thank you for your responses.

I don't want to make it seem that my wife and I don't agree, or that she's a Luddite. When we had our previous systems, she didn't like the look of the Acoustats (can't really blame her). She didn't think the aktiv Linn system with REL subwoofer and Casablanca were worth the money, and honestly, I have to agree. The microperf screen was a PITA and we got rid of most of it.

In our new house in MA, when I got the ESL X & Anthem STR & 800X & BlueOS Node, she liked it the minute she heard it.

We've been married for more than 25 years, but it's my second marriage with two kids from each marriage. That complicates things somewhat, (in ways that don't matter on this forum).

As Len44 said, sometimes this forum makes one get the upgrade bug. I have to admit that I've been bitten, but I think I'll stick to modest upgrades to the home theater and leave the music system alone for the time being.

 

[JonFo]

Married 40 years here, D.I.N.K.s, and we always discuss big-ticket purchases openly.
As for A/V stuff, she went along with letting me specify the custom HT at the start of the home design process 22 years ago, then mostly she and the architect designed the rest

She has helped design and construct many of the home theater elements as she is a graphics designer and artist. And not bad with tools, she figured out how to cut and mount the Fabricmate tracks in our custom sidewall acoustic treatments.

While she loves the results of the HT evolution over the years, she finds it too hard to use (mostly because the methods of operation change year to year, it's a two-click startup now), so it is only ever used when I'm home.

Mindful of the CRT gun wear (Sony G80 PJ) or Bulb brightness (JVC PJ), and spousal 'simple to use' requirements, I decided to set up a small media room system in a spare bedroom using a limited budget (as part of a 'can it be done' exercise, and use as a demo to friends looking for lower-cost A/V setups). I put in a Harmony remote, but she will still not use that, finding it easier to let me drive.

As for audio quality, she clearly prefers the large HT system, but is perfectly happy to watch shows and movies on the Media Room setup (the OLED 65C9 is compelling with HDR), and I have to say I'm impressed with the ELAC UniFi series. Quad ML subs also helps

A lesson we've taken away from all this is that once one archives a certain level of performance from an A/V system, balanced with usability, then chasing after more/better is diminishing returns and advisable only if there is massive satisfaction from the process itself. So I commend you on the decision to stay put with your very nice existing system.

The only piece of constructive advice I'd give is to collaborate with the wife on how to include acoustic treatment elements into the mix. With some ingenuity, it's possible to create visually appealing installations that integrate effective treatments without ruining the decor.

I find the bang-for-the-buck returns of working on acoustics and room correction are huge. More than changing an amp would ever bring, and in many cases (once above a certain minimum) even changes to speaker models.

 

[Steelhead]

Yes, the frau and I have been married for 48 years.

She knows I am addicted to audio after I dragged her to Germany and made her live in a cheap apartment with no car and tv but had audio clubs on base with fantastic gear at serious discounts. Started the audio bug.

We both worked and she had better paying jobs and advancements. She has always let me indulge in audio and that has been a blessing.

I recently bought 15a's as I am 95 percent (never 100) sure they will be my final set of speakers.

The only issue she had was the amount of gear (and she is right) I have and she wants my Summits gone as I have three sets of speakers. I have a man cave but it is awfully full and as in most things she is right.

Love the Summits but looking forward to seeing if the 15's are all that.

Happy Listening.

 

[IEnjoyOLED]

I find the bang-for-the-buck returns of working on acoustics and room correction are huge. More than changing an amp would ever bring, and in many cases (once above a certain minimum) even changes to speaker models.

Once I used ARC, it (or Dirac) became a “must have” on my systems. When I recently decided to add Atmos to my HT, there were in-wall Atlantic Technology System 2 speakers that the previous owner left for us, and they sounded okay enough, but adding Atmos was difficult/impossible and I never was that fond of the tweeters anyway.

So, one thing led to another (thanks to Shawn) and now I’ll have an 1140 and some ML Motion speakers. What I had entirely ignored was that the nice sound I had been getting was in part due to no boundary effects with the in-walls, and that would be ending soon. While I believe that you can overdampen a room, I’m not sure that you can have too many bass traps, especially as I only have one sub (1000X) in the HT, so I ordered 3 bass traps (and jerry built a 4th inside a handy nook). The bass traps in front will be behind the speakers and also have a dispersion element.

I spent some time on AVSforum recently, when I was thinking of doing all this, but I’m honestly getting weary of the “bigger, louder subs” and upgraded electronics that seems to be the answer to every question there. Not every problem is a nail, so a hammer can’t always be the answer.

 

[mentorron]

Mods, if this topic is outside of forum guidelines (I admit I didn’t research them), my apologies and I understand if you delete it.

I look at some of the systems here, and I have to admit that I’m envious. I’m curious how some of you “pull the trigger” on deciding on these purchases.

I’m not intending this as sexist, but if the MLO members match most audio/video site demographics, most of you are male. I am also, but decided more than two decades ago to become a SAHD (Stay At Home Dad) and give up my career as a Software Developer. My wife’s career took off at that time, what with her not worrying about whether the kids were being well looked after, whether she could take a business trip, and with my “having her back.” I do think of it as “our” money, but if I’m being honest, I think of it as a bit more “her” money than “mine.”

We can really afford most things in the AV realm, and my wife appreciates good sound and video, but I find myself going a notch or two lower than what I’d really like to get. For example, I really enjoy my ESL X with a 800X subwoofer driven by an Anthem STR in our family room, but would probably enjoy an ESL 15a or 13a even more (I’d probably keep the sub and integrated amp; I quite like them).

So, I’m curious how you decided that your purchases were “okay.” Are you single? If not, does your spouse appreciate the AV systems? If your spouse is “meh” about AV, does she have a similarly expensive interest? Do you discuss the costs? Before or after a purchase? Are you honest about the costs?

We are seniors, both retired and living on incomes that just "do".
I haven't made a major "new" purchase of anything, stereo or A/V since my Denon AVR-1312 5.1 receiver in 2011.
Below I have listed my components, to show I don't exactly have the latest and greatest, but they serve my purposes at this stage of my life.
Going on 80, I have limited hearing (nothing above about 10kHz) and Tinnitus as well.
My wife is an avid TV watcher (news and weather mostly 24/7, so the 1st 2 systems listed get extremely limited usage now (since she retired also).
I try to get down to the garage to listen, but there is no climate control there, so is not used during very hot and cold spells (also our cat hates me being where he can't find me ;-) ). She is not a "sit down and listen" type of person since she retired. She "tolerates" me listening for bits and pieces once in a while, when it won't disturb what she wants to do.
All my purchases since 2011 have been used or open box purchases in thrift stores or online. She seems to not mind that too much, except for the space unused equipment takes up in the garage. Just took 3 CD players back to the thrift stores.
My last was "upgrading" was to a Bose alarm clock/CD player to replace my old RCA one in the bedroom. Had to modify the wave length duct vent in it with a soft foam plastic insert to reduce what I perceived as boominess. This simple mod does the job 90%. Sound is tolerable and goes down to about 65 Hz. Get to listen to classical music on the French radio station in the very early mornings (4AM-7AM).
As you can see, I can't gain too much from this forum, but still like to hear about what others are able to afford and do with their M-L based systems.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My main stereo consists of a Sony CDP-950 with Philips TDA-1541 DAC, a Rotel RSP-960AX Preamp/Processor in 2 channel mode, an Adcom GFA-600 5 channel power amp, using just 2 of the front channels (bi-wired with12 gauge), and my M-L original Aerius hybrids, purchased used in the late 1990s. They still run ok, no cleaning need yet.
My A/V system (in the same room, other wall) is a 40" Samsung LED tv, Samsung BD-C5500C Blu-Ray player, the Denon receiver mentioned above, Mission 761i bookshelf speakers front, a Mission 760 as center, a Paradigm PS-1000 10" powered sub and Radio Shack Minimum 7 surrounds (the oldest items in my setups). Don't watch movies any more, so gets little use as a 5.1.
My garage (man cave) stereo system has a Sony CDP-490 (Burr-Brown DACs), a Technics SA-AX7 receiver, Mission 760i speakers, and a ProLinear PLSUB8MKII powered subwoofer. It is also connected as part of a combined stereo A/V system to an LG 32LK330-UH TV and Sony BDP-S1200 Blu-Ray player.

 

[AlmostHome]

"I am also, but decided more than two decades ago to become a SAHD (Stay At Home Dad) and give up my career as a Software Developer. My wife’s career took off at that time, what with her not worrying about whether the kids were being well looked after, whether she could take a business trip, and with my “having her back.” I do think of it as “our” money, but if I’m being honest, I think of it as a bit more “her” money than “mine.”
snip
We've been married for more than 25 years, but it's my second marriage with two kids from each marriage. That complicates things somewhat, (in ways that don't matter on this forum).

Holy smokes! Substitute "programmer through IT management" for "Software Developer" and this could have been written by me! It is actually scarily accurate. That's it - Alexa is getting unplugged!!!!!!

 

[IEnjoyOLED]

Holy smokes! Substitute "programmer through IT management" for "Software Developer" and this could have been written by me! It is actually scarily accurate. That's it - Alexa is getting unplugged!!!!!!

To tell the truth, I was a pretty good software developer (actually, application programmer/system programmer/architect), but I was a GREAT father and “the man behind the successful woman.”
Weren’t those years great?
At least until the kids went off to college and I was retired.

 

[AlmostHome]

Weren’t those years great?
At least until the kids went off to college and I was retired.

Yes, they were, and the last statement sums it up, but I have to remember it was a choice to be Mr. Mom. One that a lot of people were never given.

To answer your original question my interest in audio started as a freshman in High School so it predates my relationship. She was aware of it going in. She isn't really interested in it and fortunately isn't a TV fan either. We are the only people we know that don't have a TV on the first floor, but music is a constant. We only discuss the cost in general terms. I'll need to see how that shakes out after the 13As arrive. At least they are slightly smaller than my Carvers were, which was a marginal point of contention after they died.

 

[RCHeliGuy]

I've seen very similar questions in multiple forums for my various interests. Sometimes they turn into commentaries on the best way to hide purchases and end up treating a spouse as the enemy.

BTW, I'm not suggesting that you went there. What you've described sounds like a simple difference of opinion over how important something is that you are more passionate about than she is.

I'm not comfortable giving advice to anyone on how to "get what they want" or how to "handle their wife", and it sounds like you have a relationship where you need to agree on purchases. If that works for you in general, maybe it would be better to just accept that and enjoy what you have. The reality is that these are all just toys and mean very little in the grand scheme.

I've taken that attitude about even the things that I am completely passionate about. I would take every possession I own and toss them to keep my marriage together and my wife knows that.

 

[Len44]

I would take every possession I own and toss them to keep my marriage together and my wife knows that.

Yep, same here. I have ended up with a sensational wife that "Gets me", and she says that I understand her as well. We know we are very fortunate people.

 

[IEnjoyOLED]

I've seen very similar questions in multiple forums for my various interests. Sometimes they turn into commentaries on the best way to hide purchases and end up treating a spouse as the enemy.

BTW, I'm not suggesting that you went there. What you've described sounds like a simple difference of opinion over how important something is that you are more passionate about than she is.

I am more passionate about AV than she is, although she doesn’t mind “piggy backing” on “my“ system . I know that my wife can forgive almost anything, but not dishonesty, so hiding something from her would be suicidal. As a long time sort-of engineer (ie, software developer), I have the engineer’s malady, an almost pathological honesty, so it’s no use trying. I also suck at playing poker

I'm not comfortable giving advice to anyone on how to "get what they want" or how to "handle their wife", and it sounds like you have a relationship where you need to agree on purchases. If that works for you in general, maybe it would be better to just accept that and enjoy what you have. The reality is that these are all just toys and mean very little in the grand scheme.

We don’t need to agree on purchases. My wife bought a $150k car I didn’t think much of (although I will admit to it being fun to drive). I have made “green” decisions on our house (geothermal, solar, batteries, generators, etc.) that even I’m afraid to add up (easily more than her car). But, for some toys, we seem to ask each other.

I've taken that attitude about even the things that I am completely passionate about. I would take every possession I own and toss them to keep my marriage together and my wife knows that.

Absolutely. I married up.

 

[AlmostHome]

" The reality is that these are all just toys and mean very little in the grand scheme. "

Very well put.

 

[AbeK]

" The reality is that these are all just toys and mean very little in the grand scheme. "

Very well put.

Exactly.

I'm the sole wage earner and have been so for 27 years of marriage. My wife has never had to question money, what she can or cannot spend. there is always money in the bank and bills paid on time. She respects money as much as I do.

Whilst I am in the fortunate position to have the means to purchase whatever audio gear I want, I still need to rationalize the decision in my own mind.

It is far too easy in this hobby to spend stupid amounts of money unchecked. Ultimately, these are just things.

Personally, I'd rather spend that money seeing live bands and seeing music around the world [such as They Might Be Giants play in New York]. My wife gets to travel and I get to see a gig or two. All for the price of some fancy speaker cables!!!!! Experience always out trumps 'stuff'.

My only issue has been COVID restrictions in the last couple of years.